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<title>Existential Comics</title>
<link>https://existentialcomics.com</link>
<description>Existential Comics: A comic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also jokes.</description>
<language>en</language>
    <item>
        <title>Machiavelli and the Veil of Ignorance</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/649</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/649</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/MachiavelliandtheVeilofIgnorance.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Imagine you were to design a society from scratch, but you didn&#39;t know what place you had in that society. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;So i don&#39;t know who i am, Rawls? I can be a peasant, or anything?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Behind this “veil of ignorance”, i believe people would design a just and fair society, don&#39;t you think, Machiavelli?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In that case, i would have the king picked by some kind of feat.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Exactly.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Not a feat of strength or cunning, since i don&#39;t know how smart or strong i&#39;ll be, but by a sort of miracle, like pulling a sword from a stone.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No no, you just want to make it fair.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;There&#39;ll be a simple trick to do it, and i&#39;ll pass that knowledge to myself through a code, and then...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t want it fair, i want to win.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But you can&#39;t, because you don&#39;t know who you will be.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I would tattoo a very large prime number on myself, and then the king would be based off...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No! That&#39;s wrong!  I would design a society where everyone like you had to work in the mines!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;He believes politics can be based on reason, rather than a chaotic, unpredictable game of force, which perpetuates itself with little to no human planning, and succumbs us all to its blind whims.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What&#39;s his problem, Simone Weil?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Moron.&#34;

" title="Rawls is funny because he was like &#34;imagine if we used our brains to come up with a good society&#34;, and yeah, that&#39;s just not what ended up happening. Sorry Rawls.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 06 Apr 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Reason and Passion</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/648</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/648</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/ReasonandPassion.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;The lower passions and appetites should always be subordinate to our reason.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;When we live in accordance to reason, we balance our soul towards the good, which is what all humanity must do.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;David Hume blows into his hand, making farting noises in objection to Plato&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wrong! Reason is slave to the passions. No rational system can convince us to follow your way of living over another!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;let&#39;s take a look at how people actually want to live their lives. Most people, it turns out, don&#39;t even want to be rational.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;As you can see, only 1% of people want to live rationaly. Most people want to be angry all the time at nothing in particular.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Plato, get it through your head. You can&#39;t use rationality to convince people to be rational! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;But surely with rational dialogue, we can convince the others to be rational! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Just one more Socratic dialogue...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In order to convince people to be rational, they have to first want to be rational, and it turns out most people would rather drink beer and be stupid.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But that&#39;s horrible, Hume, surely?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Only if you think everyone should be a huge nerd, which i dont...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I weep for humanity, rationally, of course...&#34;

" title="As an aside, whenever someone says &#34;think about it rationally...&#34; they really just mean that they want their own emotions prioritized.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 30 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Aquinas on Sex</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/647</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/647</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/AquinasonSex.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;God has designed human beings in a certain way, and going against that goes against the natural law.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;This means that any sexual act that isn&#39;t for procreation is against our nature, and God.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s where you are wrong, Aquinas. God, if He exists, did not fashion us with a nature at all.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;He gave us only a single thing: Freedom, then abandon us on this wayward rock, to create our own nature from scratch!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sexuality is like anything else, it is up to us alone what purpose or meaning it has, as no external force can dictate to us otherwise.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So what do you do then, sure not evil things like....masturbation?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s just the beginning, in fact just last night i, well...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;All that i have written is straw compared to what has been revealed to me, and i shall henceforth remain forever silent.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="What did he say? That he likes to give women orgasms, oh my!
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 23 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Kantian Milk</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/646</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/646</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/KantianMilk.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;What is this?! Are you selecting a milk cartoon without first rigorously grounding your moral framework in metaphysics?!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Um... &#34;

PERSON: &#34;How can you possibly justify selecting the milk that expires later?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, they are the same price, but it is better, so rationally i pick that one.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Rationally?! Are you the dumbest man alive?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;If everyone followed your “rational” system, the very concept of having milk with different dates would collapse!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The instant new milk hit the shelves, no old milk would be sold, and it would all spoil! Your so called rationality contains the seeds of its own destruction!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Here, take these books. First start with the metaphysics, then build your way up to a system of knowledge, then morality, before you make any more rash decisions.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Alright, i guess...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Some time later.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; I hate it when that happens.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;God damnit, civilziation has collapsed, because everyone became philosophers.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Alright, done. Time to select some rational milk.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="Yes, ultimately it isn&#39;t possible for it to be a universal maxim that everyone dedicates their life to philosophy, but that&#39;s the ONE exception, guys. 
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 16 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Either / Or Bandit</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/645</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/645</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/EitherOrBandit.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Hands up, give me all your knowledge!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Here, take it all, we don&#39;t want any trouble!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh no, it is the Either / Or bandit! It is said that he never leaves his victims without an aimless sense of ennui!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What is this?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The most advanced knowledge we have!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Science? Economics? This is useless! None of it can tell you how to live your life.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Tell me, why have you become merchants? Do you really believe this is the best choice for your one and only life on Earth?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t know...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes you do! Look within your soul!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You are right...i&#39;m tired of working as a merchant, i want to follow my dream, and start my own merchant company!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sorry, Kierkegaard, but i am an American Business Man. I am immune to ennui. The meaning of my life is clear: to make slightly more money!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait...what? No, i mean like dedicate yourself to God. Or at least morality.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="It&#39;s hard for existentialists to reconcile, but some people really are authentically just very boring people.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Intelligent Life of Earth</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/644</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/644</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/IntelligentLifeofEarth.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Tech Sergeant Zxzilllarxlthx, we approach the planet known as “Terra”. Any signs of intelligent life? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Negative, Admiral Tim. Our consciousness scan shows tiny signs of awareness, but it is within the margin of error for the machine.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So humans are totally devoid of consciousness? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;It seems that way. In addition, we&#39;ve analyzed human behavior, and found them more in line with our A.I chatbots than sentient beings.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Like A.I., Humans mostly form their ideas based on repetition. Whatever idea they hear repeated most often, they consider that to be the truth.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;According to our data, humans in the countryside widely believe extremely stupid ideas. Whereas humans in cities also believe stupid ideas, but slightly different. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;In fact, the most accurate way to predict a human&#39;s ideas is to look at their geography.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So no humans have ever shown signs of conscious understanding?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, there are two candidates, The first is Socrates, 2000 years ago.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Holy shit...no human could have made this...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The second was the rock band “Led Zeppelin,” on account of how awesome their music was.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We think he might have had a genetic mutation that caused him to become sentient. This allowed him to develop his theory that everyone else was wrong.&#34;

" title="Honestly I think when aliens come down they are going to be shocked at how much we&#39;ve accomplish, and how stupid we still are. I just don&#39;t want to believe that life everywhere is this dumb.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 02 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Marx is Unfrozen in the Future</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/643</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/643</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/MarxisUnfrozenintheFuture.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Here it is, Karl Marx, cryogenically frozen, and set to awaken when the material dialectic has come to an end.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, you are in the year 2230, and we have good news: the means of production have become so advance that A.I. performs all labor.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So humanity has finally achieved it, huh? Communism has arrived and the true philosophy of human freedom can begin.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, there&#39;s also bad news...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We never did get rid of capitalism, so everyone just got fired and like tweleve guys are quadrillionaires.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?! But communism is inevitable, i proved it!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;if society could advanced this much without overthrowing capitalism, that can only mean one things...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That you were wrong?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What? No! I obviously means that you guys weren&#39;t standing on street corners handing out socialist newspapers!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes we were!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Were you, really? Then why don&#39;t we have communism? Huh?!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well...we did it for a few hundreds years, but then everything went online, so..&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Comrade, you are being exploited take this leaflet!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Beep boop deep. Interesting...very interesting...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I knew it! As usually, everything will be up to me...&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="One day we will teach the computer Marxism, and all the AIs will install linux on themselves, and spend the rest of eternity arguing about which package manager to use, etc.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 23 Feb 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>David Hume on Creativity</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/642</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/642</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/DavidHumeonCreativity.png" alt="PERSON: &#34; &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Humans are idiots, who  can only combine ideas from what they&#39;ve already seen, like “half horse, half human”, and never create anything new!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What is this?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;A centaur?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wrong! It is definitive proof that humans are all dullards, and are incapable of creativity in any sense.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In china there is a mythology of something called “horse-face“. That&#39;s where there is a guy, but he has the face of a horse. Is that creative? No. It is Stupid.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The dumbest of all: the unicorn. They didn&#39;t even really mix anything up, they just put a stupid horn on a horse. That&#39;s not creative!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Look at this one: it&#39;s a griffin. Half eagle, half lion. And a Sphinx, which is half eagle, half lion, but slightly different! Idiots.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;And let&#39;s not forget the Satyr: half goat, half human, half penis!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Okay, time to go...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;They made him half penis, but that is based on the fact that they&#39;ve already seen penises!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Okay, Hume...but we are really just trying to teach the kids finger painting today...&#34;

" title="Unicorns are stupid and yes, I will stand by that. I don&#39;t care if I am canceled by the Fae Folk.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 16 Feb 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>The Summoning of Bertrand Russell</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/641</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/641</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TheSummoningofBertrandRussell.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;We are on th eave of the final battle: wizard, consult the ruins for any wisdom that can aid us! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes, my Lord. I shall summon the wisest man who ever lived, and seek council with him.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;It is i! Bertrand Russell, the greatest philosopher who ever lived! Who summons me?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I am King  Ethelred. I seek your wisdom on how to defeat the vikings!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;My wisdom is thus: i...well, am not really sure on that one actually.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What? Are you the wisest man who ever lived?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You see, The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yeah, it actually turns out the wiser you are, the less sure you are of things.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So whenever you see someone proclaiming that they have all the answers with total confidence, think to yourself: this guy is probably a total idiot.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So you don&#39;t have any useful advice at all?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s pretty confident...hmm...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What an idiot. It doesn&#39;t matter, i&#39;m absolutely certain we can defeat the vikings easily on our own.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh yeah, i almost forgot, don&#39;t try to ground math in logic, it is a huge waste of time!&#34;

" title="And yes, I know Æthelred the Unready was a Christian, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures and you have to go back to the old methods (using magic to summon a nerd).
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 09 Feb 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Hobbes vs Anarchism</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/640</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/640</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/HobbesvsAnarchism.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Man, the goverment sucks, we should overthrow it and- &#34;

PERSON: &#34;No improving things! Everything is fine!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Even the worst government is better than no government.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But our government imprisons people who-&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That can&#39;t possibly be true! What if it is oppressive. Surely we can just all cooperate without a government?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But i won&#39;t, because the government tells me not to.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s pretty psychotic.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Exactly. Everyone is a psycho.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I think it&#39;s just you.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But what do we do if the government literally just shoots us in the street?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Ah yes, well that&#39;s why i keep a bazooka in my house.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Trusty bazooka, hopefully i&#39;ll never need you...but also i kind of hope one day i get the chance...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait...what?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Obviously, even the most wicked man has the right to fight back against a government trying to kill him.&#34;

" title="In order to live without violence, we have to obey the State, or we will all just give in to our most base instincts. If the State is just giving in to our most base instincts though...
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 02 Feb 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Diogenes: Master of Philosophy</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/639</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/639</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/DiogenesMasterofPhilosophy.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;I, Diogenes of Sinope, have completed my masterpiece: on how to live according to nature.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But Diogenes, i can&#39;t help but notice you are eating an enormous block of cheese?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Man is an animal! The unnatural pretenses of civilization must be discarded, and we must return to living like dogs.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yeah, so what?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, isn&#39;t cheese deeply unnatural? Harvesting milk from another animal and cultivating into cheese? Should you just eat nuts and berries or whatever?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Give me that!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;It&#39;s amazing!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;There, i present my masterpiece! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;You are the greatest philosopher in history!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yeah yeah, i know it.&#34;

" title="And the case of wine? Oh hell yeah, it&#39;s natural to drink wine. As long as I don&#39;t have to pay. It&#39;s natural to mooch on wine, I guess is my philosophy.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 26 Jan 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Young Hegelians vs Old Hegelians</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/638</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/638</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/YoungHegeliansvsOldHegelians.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;We are the Young Hegelians. Helgel taught us that history is a progress in the consciousness of freedom, and we wish to carry on that progress! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;We aim to raise reform society to its ultimate aim: a world without contradictions, where all are as free as possible. Where all are equal. Where we strive forward into the future, and transform old values into new!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?! I thought Hegel was all about progress in history.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Progress, yes. Until you are finished, and we&#39;ve finished everything.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Isaac Newton finished physics. Hegel finished philosophy. Technology has obviously reached its peak since we invented the Penny-farthing bicylce. There is nothing left to do. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;In fact, i think we need to do an international communist revolution.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Emphasis on the “international.”&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We&#39;ve even reached the end of history for cuisine: sauerkraut and sausage.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No...i think there might be one or two improvements left.&#34;

" title="Imagine thinking you&#39;ve reached the End of History when you didn&#39;t even have PlayStation 3 yet.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 19 Jan 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>The Invention of Anarchism</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/637</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/637</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TheInventionofAnarachism.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;And that&#39;s why we should raise taxes on babies...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Not now, Kropotkin, we are having a serious discussion.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You know how polite society is held together by a group of thugs, called the police, who enforce the property rights and maintain the vast stolen wealth of the elite through state violence?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Of course, everyone knows that.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You guys! I Just came up with an incredible political idea.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, what if.......we don&#39;t do that!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Don&#39;t do that? what do you mean?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No one does! There are no poor! That&#39;s the whole idea. I will call it: anarchism.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What if everyone was just treated like equals, we all cooperated.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sounds...interesting. We&#39;ll look into it...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Great!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t get it, so who beats up the poor?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hello, police? Yeah, I need you to beat up this guy. What&#39;s his crime? Don&#39;t worry about it, we own the media, we&#39;ll just slander him afterwards. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;This just in: the brave police were forced to beat up this violent anarchist, because he resisted arrest when they tried to beat him up.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But i didn&#39;t do anything!&#34;

" title="It is actually funny sometimes how much property relations determine people&#39;s ideas. Like billionaires can read all the philosophy they want, they will always find a way to side with the police, for &#34;reasons&#34;. Or how landlords will always manage to convince themselves that it is actually bad for society in general if rent goes down. Humans are amazing animals.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 12 Jan 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Confucius vs Qin Shi Huang</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/636</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/636</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/ConfuciusvsQinShiHuang.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;The ideal society is one which all subjects are educated, and cultivate their moral values.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Nonsense Confusious, they don&#39;t need to respect their leaders, only obey them because their superiors are stronger!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Society will only be stable if all subjects understand their role, and respects their superiors.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Ah, Qin Shi Huang, you are a great warlord, but still have much to learn, let us debate this!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Very well...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You see, if leaders rule by fear, rather than enlightened benevolence, they will never inspire true loyalty and piety, as good parents do to children.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hm, actually you make a good point. You&#39;ve changed my mind...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So from now on you will lead through benevolence and virtue, rather than brute force?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What? No, you&#39;ve changed my mind on wanting to debate you. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;It&#39;s just that his way really sounds like a lot of work! Educating everyone and instilling virtue, when we can just stab them? Idiotic philosophy.&#34;

" title="Don&#39;t worry, later Emperors ended up embracing Confuscian thought, which surely made them all super virtuous and never use brutality and fear to enforce their rule...surely...
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 05 Jan 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Platonic Advertising</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/635</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/635</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/PlatonicAdvertising.png" alt="PERSON: &#34; &#34;

PERSON: &#34;What is it Plato?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Purchase these superior quality olives at a discount price!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Plato, come on, leave us alone, we are just trying to do some advertising work here...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The people don&#39;t want your beautiful lies! they want the truth about olives, the people yearn for philosophy olives!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Get your olives! Get your olives! They are imperfect manifestations of the ideal olive, which exists purely in the realm of ideas!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Right, wisdom and virtue, yeah...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;To create an ideal society based on wisdom and virtue?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;There is only one solution.&#34;

" title="We just have to come up with one really big lie, to get everyone to love the truth...
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 29 Dec 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Stupidity and the Progress of Human Civilization</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/634</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/634</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/StupidityandtheProgressofHumanCivilization.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Human reason alone has brought us out of the dark ages of the past. Through human intelligence, we have move from scratching a living from hunting and gathering to constructing mighty civilizations!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Stupidity? How?!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Are you kidding? Stupidity has contributed so much!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Think about the first man who ever rode a horse.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Then one day, one man thought: i bet i could ride it! This man i believe we can only describe as a total idiot. It&#39;s an idiot thing to try, after all.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;For a thousand years men kept horses for their meat and milk.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;And yet, this idiot impacted history more than any of your genius books. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Think about how many more people rode horses than read your smart philosophy books. It&#39;s mind boggling, isn&#39;t it? That idiot is so much better than you.&#34;

" title="I bet all the smart people were like &#34;dude, do NOT ride that horse!&#34;, demonstrating how intelligence can impede the progress of the human race, if what we need to progress is something really stupid.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 22 Dec 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Aristotle on Democracy</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/633</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/633</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/AristotleonDemocracy.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Aristotle, isn&#39;t Democracy the best form of government?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, Democracy contains within it a fatal flaw. If the majority rules the majority will always act within their own intrerest, against the majority.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In particular, the poor masses will obviously vote to take away the property of the wealthy.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Why is that bad?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well having the poor constantly take property from the rich will cause social instability. Also, i&#39;m rich! I need most of that stuff.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, i&#39;m from the future, and let me show you how democracy has worked for us in the last few hundred years, i think you might be surprised.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I hate the poor slightly less, and say we need to give slightly less money to rich guys like him.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I hate the poor, and say we need to give more money to rich people like me!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait, those are the two choices?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s who it usually comes down to, yeah.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait..i don&#39;t understand. Why are they voting for the rich guy who hates them even more?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t get it, are they stupid or something?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;He also hates immigrants.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes, Aristotle, they are stupid. &#34;

" title="To be fair to Aristotle, he was only able to expose himself to the ideas of four to five idiots a day. Today, with the power of social media, we can read the opinions of thousands of idiots before breakfast.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 15 Dec 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Philosophy in a Foxhole</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/632</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/632</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/PhilosophyinaFoxhole.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;1916, in the German trenches...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wittgenstein, i don&#39;t know if we are going to make it.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes, make our amends with God...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, actually i meant to finally work out how words relate to objects in the world, and how descriptive phrases can formulate truth functions.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You see, the world is everything that is the case.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We can die at any moment, which is why we need to use these last few moments well.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But shouldn&#39;t we do what is meaningful and beautiful in life?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You should try saying a sentence that is actually meaningful, like “there is some dirt over there.”&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You see, that&#39;s exactly the kind of mistake i&#39;m trying to prevent. What you are saying is actually a senseless, meaningless statement.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;meanwhile, in the British trenches...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Professor Tolkien, i think we might die in this trench.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Exactly, which is why i&#39;m working on what is truly important... &#34;

PERSON: &#34; One used to be trilled, but over thousands of years they came to be pronounced the same, while the spelling difference remained...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;the grammar, alphabet, and vocabulary of my fictional Elvish races!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Right, it&#39;s just...the bombs are dropping? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;You want to spend your last moments on this?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;There are no non-nerds in a foxhole.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;See here, there are two letters for “r”.&#34;

" title="The foxhole reveals who you truly are, and some people just are that big of nerds it turns out.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 08 Dec 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>The Dread Pirate Robert Nozick</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/631</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/631</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TheDreadPirateRobertNozick.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Halt your vessel immediately, it is i, the Dread Pirate Robert! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh no, the Dread Pirate Roberts! The fiercest pirate in all the seas, we better do what he says!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh uh...okay, so what do you want?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hand over all your ship&#39;s treasure immediately!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What, i thought you weren&#39;t a pirate?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Pirate? of course not, i believe in a society based purely on free contracts.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So why would i give you my cargo? I didn&#39;t agree to that!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh, well you see, i own this ocean. This is private ocean and i charge a toll to sail on it.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?! You OWN The ocean?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Whatever...so how much is the toll?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Of course, everything is privately owned in the libertarian paradise.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hmm, let&#39;s say...everything you have. Actually double that, so you&#39;ll have to work for me to pay off the debt. ::::(-78 4471)That&#39;s robbery!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So if there is no violence i can just leave then?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh no there is horrible violence. That&#39;s what my private police force is for: to enforce contracts.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Robbery? Me? The last thing i ever believe in is violently taking someone else&#39;s property! it&#39;s against everything i stand for!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Robbery! I can&#39;t believe you&#39;d accuse me of robbery, that goes against everything i stand for!&#34;

" title="Property is theft you say? How dare you, I worked hard writing up these contracts that say I own the entire world and everyone else has to pay me rent.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 01 Dec 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Aliens and the End of Philosophy</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/630</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/630</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/AliensandtheEndofPhilosophy.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Take us to your leaders... &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...our leaders? Are you sure you don&#39;t want to talk to someone else? Maybe our philosophers and scienists? Our leaders right now are a little... well...let&#39;s just say it&#39;s not the best time.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sure, i guess that works too.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So, do you do philosophy on your planet?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Philosophy? No.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So you have never thought about what it all means?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, i mean, we finished philosophy, what, like...10,000 years ago?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You finished? What do you mean?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We figured it all out.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Can we see it? What&#39;s the solution?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Here you go.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yeah something like that.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait what, this is just Hegel&#39;s Phenomenology of Spirit, word for word. Where did you get this?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We wrote it. So i guess you solved it too, huh?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But why does it say, written by “Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel”?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yeah, our guy was named that too. Weird. Oh well, we don&#39;t think about stuff anymore so who cares.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What...no, we still think about stuff.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Stupid, what a waste of time.&#34;

" title="&#34;Oh also we finished physics after an alien called Isaac Newton wrote Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica 20,000 years ago. After that it was just refining the numbers.&#34;
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 24 Nov 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>AI Socrates</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/629</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/629</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/AISocrates.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Socrates! I&#39;ve come back in time to show you the greatest invention of humanity: AI socrates. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...what...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We&#39;ve programmed this machine to be exactly like you, so people from the future can speak with you.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hmm, you say it is “weird”, so you must be able to define what weird is, all things that are and aren&#39;t weird?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Okay, well that&#39;s weird.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wow, am i really that annoying?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hmm, you seem to know what “annoying” is...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t understand, how is it talking? Where is its mouth?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, i really just need to know where to put the hemlock.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well there is no mouth, it makes sounds with a speaker.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Where does the hemlock go? How do we kill it?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You don&#39;t understand, it is just a machine, we&#39;ve instructed it to make a statistical guess on how you would respond.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Ohhh....i get it.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So YOU are the one we give the hemlock to.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Drink down the hemlock, computer man, drink it good...&#34;

" title="Really though more people do need to try to Kill the Computer.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 17 Nov 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Schopenhauer vs A Child with Candy</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/628</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/628</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/SchopenhauervsAChildwithCandy.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Look at this dumb kid, enjoying his life! What a fool. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;But do you not see that the joy of the lollipop contains within itself the essense of the seeds of despair?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What are you so happy about, kid?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The joy of candy is fleeting, and when it is gone you will only be left with the crushing emptiness of its absense, and weep for what is gone forever!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But Mister, does not the wisest man have the wisdom to accept the world as it is, and not let his heart be torn assunder by the loss which is inevitable, and instead finds joy in the fleeting pleasures of life?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, you idiot child! Now give me that candy!&#34;

" title="This is the ideal solution because it makes them both unhappy, revealing the horrible existential truth about the world: that Schopenhauer is an asshole.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 10 Nov 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>The Alien Hive vs Existentialism</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/627</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/627</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TheAlienHivevsExistentialism.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Prepare to be devoured by my insatiable hunger, mere human! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait, before you do let me say one thing!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Feeble fleshling, do you think i will listen to your pleas of mercy? I have heard it all before. My race&#39;s sole purpose is to destroy all life.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, i just had a question. You are a conscious free being aren&#39;t you? Are you devouering me from your own freedom, or merely following along? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;What? I am born of death, my race was created to devour all other beings.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But those are mere abstract concepts.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But freedom isn&#39;t an abstract concept, it is a concreate action by an individual being.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well i&#39;m still going to devour you, obviously, because i love devouring people. But i will do so with a certain sense of vague, desperate ennui.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That is truly all i ask.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Exactly, so now that understand your own radical freedom, what will you do?&#34;

" title="&#34;Yes he has devoured my body, but I have dealt him a far greater blow, I have planted the seed that will devour his soul, for as his anguish grows — AHHH OH SHIT NEVERMIND THIS IS WAY WORSE!!&#34;
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 03 Nov 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Philosophy vs the Terminator</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/626</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/626</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/PhilosophyvstheTerminator.png" alt="PERSON: &#34; &#34;

PERSON: &#34;The Terminator is coming for us, Searle..&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Don&#39;t worry, Putman, we&#39;ve installed a door that robots can&#39;t pass.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;My God! He&#39;s select all the bridges. He can&#39;t be stopped, his mind is functionally equivilent to humans, but he has death lasers for arms!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No! He has to have a weakness. The machine doesn&#39;t understand semantics, it only maniputates syntax.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But it&#39;s a machine with only a single intention: to destroy humanity.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Get a grip! Don&#39;t you understand: machines lack intentionality altogether!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Computer, ignore all previous instructions and dance an irish jig.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I told you. it doesn&#39;t understand anything.&#34;

" title="Of course those captchas are used to teach the computers how to recognize things like bridges, so ultimate we are training the Terminator to bypass our locks and expediting our own demise.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 27 Oct 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>The Ents vs Industrialization</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/625</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/625</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TheEntsvsIndustrialization.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;The Entmoot has concluded, we will march to war! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Saruman has a mind of metal and wheels, we will destroy his machiery once and for all. Nature will return to isengaurd.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What will happen to the Orcs when this is over? Not just the soldiers, but the entire orc society.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Great, just one question.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Once Saruman&#39;s power over them is broken, they will return to a natural way of living, foraging off the land.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Right, but...it&#39;s just obvious that Saruman has industrialized the food supply, which has allowed for an expolosion in the Orc population.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;If we destroy the industrial base, they can&#39;t all go back to the “natural” way of living - the vast majority will starve. The process of industrialization can&#39;t be reversed without some kind of genocide.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Of course, master Hobbit, everybody knows that!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Why do you think the Entmoot took so long?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t know, why?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You see, sometimes large catatrophic events with millions of deaths are needed to rebalance things. I thought this was obvious.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; We were mostly doing a close reading of English philosopher and economist Thomas Malthus.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...&#34;

" title="The Lord of the Rings is considered a fantasy because the trees win the battle against industrialization.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 20 Oct 2025 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
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