alice_practice

http://archiveofourown.org/works/3478520/chapters/7637798

Title: Asymptote
Rating: Explicit (confined to 1-2)
Derivative: Xenogears
Character Relationships: Dominia/Ramsus, Sigurd/Ramsus implied, Miang/Ramsus implied.
Warnings: Xenogears spoilers, fallout from emotional abuse, consenting adults having sex, descriptions of mytated humanoids, manslaughter, Krelian-negative, Miang-negative, strong language

My phone is being a jerk but here is what I have done so far of "That Ramsus Fic." Gonna say "fuck you" to Gears' budget crisis and give more peeps Omnigears and give Ramsus and the Elements spots in the main battle party because I want to.

Had a panic attack and this is me puking in a private corner instead of on tumblr.

I am not some magical creature. I am not what you tell me I am. I am bound by no destiny, I am not a reincarnated princess or hero. I am someone living right here right now that has worth on my own that isn't tied to anything mystical, magical or mysterious. I am not worthless if I am not monetarily successful. I am not unloved. I am not unwanted. I am not less worthy of affection or self-worth because of the imperfect circumstances of my birth or my upbringing. I am not a second class citizen for being female, and I am not a second class citizen for acting out of the normal "range" of "what is considered feminine." I don't deserve to be punished for existing. I am not a blight or a plague or the devil or any other kind of evil. If I do evil in my life, by choice or by accident, it is shaped by my circumstances and is not my singular identity. I am responsible for my own happiness. It is okay for me to exist, love, worship and thrive on my own merit. You do not know my name unless I tell it to you. You do not name me something I don't want to be named.

Hurr, creating an FST for your MMO character is fun. He doesn't have a real name yet, but he is beautiful and coldhearted Altmer wizard with a douchebag haircut and a scowly face and my favorite thing to think about at work. -w-

( TL;DR Scrolls )

Little Sister - CHVRCHES - The Mother We Share
Waifu - Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness

Been thinking a lot about Changeling: The Lost lately.
It's a lot different from Changeling: The Dreaming, which was a floaty LOL WE'RE FAIRIES LOOK AT US BE ARRANGING ORANGES IN A CIRCLE IN THE OVEN BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS MAGIC romp that happened to share a canon with Mage, Hunter and Vampire.

Along comes New WoD and although they managed to kark up Hunter and Mage, Changeling stands out and has become about 10x as popular as CtD. The premise at first, after having fond memories of CtD, kind of shocked and appalled me a little, but once I got over it, I've come to really enjoy it.

If one were to use Labyrinth as an example, In CtD, you ostensibly play one of the goblins, or if your GM is running a high-powered game, you can play Jareth. In CtL, you are Toby, but Sarah never comes after you because when Jareth took you, he replaced you with a fetch. CtL presupposes that the true-fae that kept your character was in no way benevolent, which was the thing that made me balk at first because I've always loved fairies, but with that abusive true-fae comes the heart of the game. 

A great deal of CtL is learning how to live again in the world you were taken from.  In a community of other Changelings, you run into a lot of people who've been through similar enough pain that certain things are understood (you escaped and don't want to go back), but everyone has had different experiences with their pain and deals with them in different ways.  The Keepers want you back, and your fellow Changelings have a very good reason to actually fight to help you keep them away.

The thing that really caught my eye, especially after extracting myself from the terribleness that was my friendship with my Man of Honor, is that in this community of escapees, "loyalist" is the bad word.  I didn't know I needed to hear that as badly as I did.

The only bad thing about CtL is that it cuts a little too close to my heartguts sometimes, and it cuts deeply into my SO's that he can't even play it anymore because it's a roadmap to his damage.  I'm still able to use it as a Grand Theft Auto power fantasy about exploding the heads of the people I no longer associate with, but there may come a time when I'll probably just put the bear down.

I still want to run a Fairly Oddparents CtD game where you fight the Technocracy.

"Can you do addition?" the White Queen asked. "What's one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?"
"I don't know," said Alice. "I lost count."
Through the Looking Glass.