Board Meeting Agenda

2/1/2023 9:30 PM EST / 6:30 PM PST

1. Call to Order 9:34pm                                            
2. Roll Call All present
3. Approval of January Minutes Board meeting Minutes 1/4/2023 Motion to approve minutes from Grady seconded by Matt unanimously approved 
4. Committee Reports
   1. Convention Committee
      1. Ticket sales 13 tickets
      2. Room Bookings 47 nights sold
      3. Speaker Bookings 10 Submissions 1 researcher as potential keynote.  
      4. When to begin Speaker announcements we would like to start earlier than in previous years
   2. Social Media and Marketing 
      1. Featured Volunteer for the February Newsletter JHG suggested focusing on the volunteers that aren’t right out there in the open. The behind the scenes people need to be recognized. We will do Patrick this month and feature Ian next month. Matt motioned to name Patrick, Charlie seconded. Passed unanimously.
         1. Kyle Denny
         2. Patrick Wilbraham 
         3. Quetzal Torres 
         4. Ian Smithdahl
         5. Brett Landry

Sergio asked what we are doing for Black History Month. Last year we did one post for each week. We need to feature black fatherhood. Sergio recommends that we feature black dads that are out there doing things now instead of looking back. Brock mentioned James Lopez, Dante Palmer, Vernon Gibbs, and Glen Henry. Sergio mentioned Matt Presberry. We can highlight their connection to the organization.

We need to be working on March already for International Women's Month. Matt will add Patrick and Joshua to the org G Suite calendar. Gerard suggested that we start pulling shorter clips from the YouTube channel to post across other social media platforms. He also suggested dad jokes. Brock can clip down the podcast. I can clip the webinars. Sergio will use the promotional video from Dad U to start.

1. Membership
   1. Matt is still not receiving any email notification of Paypal Payments Matt will just check Paypal on his own to keep the membership roll current.
   2. Still need to begin getting mailers sent out to 2023 members
      1. What else do we need to make that happen? Matt dropped the ball on this. He will get on it immediately.
2. Sponsorship/ Fundraising
   1. Has Quetzal found a volunteer for this? Quetzal is still looking. They are also looking for someone to act as a journalist to write things like the volunteer spotlight.
   2. Do we want to have someone look into researching available grants? We are willing to offer a 10% commission for finding and securing grants for the organization. Danny suggested we look for a professional to do this since we are offering compensation. Steven Shaffer was brought up as an option. Keith will reach out to them to offer the compensation.
3. J.D.E.I
   1. Updates following their first meeting The Committee is asking for money for two reasons 1. To offer a stipend to minority speakers to help them attend the convention they want to start with $250. 2. They would like to request an additional $750 a year to fund the committee. Sergio will produce an itemized budget and the board can consider the proposal further next month. Plans are in place to do their own fundraising. The patch sale is the current plan but they plan on doing a fundraiser every year. There were 8 people at the first meeting. They talked about sending messages to different JDEI people on social media to try to get them to speak at the convention. Joseph Saucedo is one of the potential speakers, he is also coming to the Board Retreat to speak with us. Quetzal nominated his wife to speak at the convention about explicit bias and how to get directly involved in JDEI. Sergio spoke with James Lopez’s wife and the situation is not looking good after a second brain surgery. The JDEI committee would like to start some kind of honor/fund/award in his honor. They would like to give Joseph a stipend of $150 for coming to the retreat. Brock suggested we up the budget to $1000.00 vs. $750. Evan Moser is very interested in speaking about Justice for disabled people as a disabled dad. 
   2. Plans for patch fundraiser The DDBS patch needs to get designed and prices secured so we can go ahead and order them. Keith raised concerns about the DDBS Tshirt funds going to the scholarship fund. It was agreed that the patch would be a different item and not need to give a percentage to the scholarship. Matt asked that Grady could go through the budget to determine if we actually have the funds in the budget to offer the requested funding. JHG brought up that the $35 per year membership is not covering the expenses for the organization. We need to raise the dues. We feel that doing this incrementally would be the best option. The JDEI committee would like for there to be a percentage of the scholarship funds to be dedicated to minority dads. We would like to offer a free ticket to some local organizations to both give the ticket but also get publicity in their communities. We need to make sure we block out the spaces for minority speakers and scholarship recipients. This will allow these people to be secured for attendance. JHG suggested creating the “Fatherhood is Lit'' fund to finance the JDEI committee’s work. This would need to be cleared with James and/or his Wife. We do not want to use his brand without express permission. Grady asked for clarification on the speakers at HDC. He wanted to make sure that the speakers would relate their content to Fatherhood. Sergio confirmed that that is a requirement.

1. Pillars Report (F.A.C.E.S.)
   1. Family
      1. Is the new T-shirt design available for purchase
         1. No The past shirts and new shirts offer us an opportunity to plug both membership and the spring store. JHG and Keith will work on how to organize the spring store into categories 
   2. Advocacy
   3. Community
   4. Education JHG will reach out to Kari to see where we stand with the survey.
   5. Support
2. Treasurer’s Report 02/2023 Grady will look into alternative savings accounts that may offer better interest.
3. January Slack Discussions and Votes
   1. Creation of a TNAHDN/CityDads Committee to coordinate partnership
   2. Joe Saucedo speaking at the board retreat
   3. Dad Joke Madness in March
      1. Who is spearheading? No one currently. Brock will reach out to Arvis. 
      2. Prizes T-shirts for winner and runner-up. We discussed potential sponsors including Fathering Together. Sergio has a lot of contact with them. They are networking with a group of C-suite dads and looking for in person events for those dads to sponsor. Sergio will reach out to them regarding HDC. Danny suggested that we Brand out Dad Joke madness as the John Francis or Father’s Eve contest. We can get the $50 donation elsewhere. Danny Motioned, Grady seconded passed unanimously. Danny will donate the $50.
      3. Format There needs to be a time limit. Matt Suggested that we set up a group of judges to decide. Grady suggested the executive committee. Sergio suggested we use social media and try to create a call to action. Grady suggested calling it March Daddness. Unfortunately, that hashtag is taken by a group honoring Father’s of Color. We cannot use it.
   4. Allowing Robbie Samuels to highlight the organization and feature our door hanging in his book. Voted unanimously to allow both
   5. Amazon Smile shutdown
      1. How much were we receiving? $1143 is what we are losing, we believe. We will need to research to determine a concrete number.
      2. Will we need to offset this income stream? Probably, but further information is needed.
   6. Organization Polo shirts
      1. Getting payment from the board We will all donate the $30 to the general fund by February 20th. Motion from Matt, seconded by Danny seconded passed unanimously.
      2. Do we want to open up sales of these to our members? We are looking at making this available to the general membership. It would have to be set up as an ordering period and then placing the order. Brian Anderson says he will reach out to Sprecher Brewery on our behalf.
   7. Do we reach out to the congressional Dad Caucus in an official capacity with an official letter of introduction along with the issues we feel are most important to At-Home Dads? Yes, this is in our interest and we will. Brock suggested that the dads local to DC can potentially get some face time with them. Grady raised concerns about the committee being 100% Democrats currently. The Board feels this isn’t an issue as we are supporting policies NOT individual politicians. The goals of the caucus (Family leave, affordable childcare, etc.) are all issues we have a very public stance on and we are advocating for that. We need to reach out to all the members of congress GOP and DEM to be a part of this.
4. Old Business
   1. Membership Drive
      1. We need things to announce to spur membership
         1. Phoenix Videos Did David Pindancet do his breakout? Keith has most of the videos up and good to go.
         2. New T-shirts Can we create a members only area on spring
         3. Polo Shirts? Do we add “Board Member” to the shirt? Do we add a challenge coin to the items members can buy? Coins will be discussed on slack
         4. Speakers at HDC 
   2. Past members Archive
      1. Getting the eventbrite ticket lists from past conventions Keith has gotten that list to Matt.
5. New Business
   1. Fathering Together School Chapters JHG is concerned about how we can actually help with this program. It is a good idea but we can’t run it. Our best help we can do is to promote the program. Podcast, Webinar, and putting the info out there to our network.

JHG made a motion to enter into an executive session, Matt seconded. The motion unanimously passed.

1. Executive Session
2. Agenda for the Board Retreat.
   1. Important topics to be included
   2. Plans for Food and Drink
   3. Outside speakers Joe and Greg were suggested to attend. We decided against Greg coming to the retreat. We can talk with him on Friday night. We like the idea of having Joe come in before lunch. Probably 10:30- about 12:45 or 1. Remember to send the ticket info to Grady for reimbursement.
   4. Coordinating pickups from the Airport All the board members will forward their travel itinerary to Matt and he will put it together to arrange rides. Possibly make a hotel visit before the DNO on Friday. 

 Motion to Adjourn JHG  motion to adjourn Brock Seconded. Motion passed unanimously. Meeting adjourned at 12:00 am Eastern

The post February 1, 2023 Board Meeting Minutes appeared first on The National At-Home Dad Network.

Board Meeting Agenda

1/4/2023 9:30 PM EST / 6:30 PM PST

1. Call to order 9:38pm
2. Roll Call Brock absent due to illness and Gerard was a little late
3. Approval of December minutes Board Meeting Minutes 12/7/22 Grady motioned to approve, Sergio 2nd approved Unanimously 
4. Committee Reports
   1. Convention Committee
      1. Ticket sales All 10 early tickets have sold
      2. Speakers Speaker on Imposter syndrome done, Reached out to Charlie Berens told to go through his agent
      3. Hotel Block Bookings have begun

We are going to invite Greg Clapp to join us for a segment of the board retreat. We will ask Greg when is best for him Saturday so we can build the agenda around his schedule.

1. Social Media and Marketing
   1. Featured volunteer for the newsletter All of these guys have stepped up and jumped into service. We do need to make sure we tell the guys when they are going to be featured to prevent social anxiety. At that time we should request a short bio and a headshot. We need to spotlight both who they are and what they are doing. Ideally the spotlight will be written by someone working closely with the volunteer who has direct experience to report. Motion to select Joshua Berntsen from Matt, second from Danny. Passes unanimously. 
      1. Patrick Wilbraham
      2. Joshua Berntsen
      3. Quetzal Torres
      4. Kyle Denny
      5. Ian Smithdahl

Sergio brought up getting LinkedIn included into our Hootsuite posts. Sergio will bring it up in Slack to get it included. Gerard sent a message to the Instagram account talking about the content. There is nothing on our account except calendar days and the podcast. We need to be posting more about Dad. We should be sharing more Dad content. We need to look into the resources the CityDads use. Perhaps we can use the partnership to begin pushing out more content. Keith brought up the idea of potentially paying a person to do the social media posting. Sergio volunteered to take a more active role in our social media to begin pushing more content. This will need to be coordinated with Brock.

1. Membership
   1. Creation of past member archive Archive of past members has been begun in drive.
   2. EOY Cards and member email All sent. We need to get better contact info from speakers. An email is not enough.
   3. Renewal email for 2023 Matt will get the first draft of the renewal letter into slack this month.
2. Sponsorship/ Fundraising
   1. Have we found a volunteer? No volunteer identified yet. Quetzal has begun that search. Greg is actively looking for convention sponsors. This is separate, however with the new focus on membership sponsors have become less of a priority 
3. Scholarship - closing date for nominations 6 weeks out from the convention is not enough time to coordinate flights etc. July 15th was chosen.
4. J.D.E.I Will be meeting on January 25th. There is a need to fundraise for the committee. A major goal is to be able to support speakers with a stipend. Sergio spoke with Joe Saucedo. He is interested in speaking. They want to fundraise to bring specific speakers to the convention. Keith suggested there is probably a grant program to bring in JDEI speakers but we don’t know where to look. Sergio will ask around to some of his contacts. A grant could even be used to finance JDEI education to the board. The resources need to be available for the future. There was a person who mentioned grant writing experience to the board in the past but that didn’t pan out. We believe it was Tom Drenthe and also Steven Shaffer expressed an interest. Danny brought up the idea of paying a grant writer with  commission on grant funds secured. Sergio mentioned creating a profile on some grant sites and was encouraged to do so. Sergio suggested that we reach out to his contact that makes PVC patches with velcro backing. We can get some of these printed with a logo or FACES to sell as a fundraiser. The cost is about $2 each and Sergio sells his for $10. Matt and Sergio will reach out to the contact for pricing and get artwork requirements in front of JHG for us to get the process started.

1. Pillars Report (F.A.C.E.S)
   1. Family
      1. New T-shirt design four designs were proposed option 2 was the favorite by far. We can get it onto the spring store along with past convention shirts. Then we can make the availability known to members to create some buzz. Matt will reach out to Brian Gordon for permission to reprint the Raleigh “ducks” shirt.
   2. Advocacy
   3. Community
   4. Education
      1. Matt will get the survey link emailed out using the 2022 member list before the end of this week.
   5. Support
2. Treasurer’s Report 01/2023 Grady and JHG will coordinate a meeting with Chase to get Grady full access to a physical Chase branch to make deposits. We do need to confirm that $5 of each membership is going into the scholarship account. We do need to look into setting up a separate account for scholarship funds.
3. December Slack Discussions and Votes
   1. BBC contact
      1. Have we thanked them for their consideration and made sure that they know we are available to them if needed? 
   2. Book Club
      1. Kyle Denny wanted to make the book club an official TNAHDN group; the board welcomed the idea.
      2. We will make sure the book club remains in Kyle’s hands as long as he wants
   3. Eqimundo MenCare meeting D.C.
      1. What can we do as an organization to effectively partner with Equimundo as well as the other Fatherhood based organizations involved? We need to continue the conversation and interaction with the organizations involved. Kenneth Braswell is interested in having JHG on his podcast and coming to HDC
   4. Brescia University in Canada student research request
      1. Were we able to connect them with the dads they needed?
   5. Holiday Letter
   6. CNN contact
      1. Have we reached back out to the producer to cement the relationship? Keith has talked to CNN and connected on LinkedIn. We need to start to maintain a contact list for future press releases.
   7. Do we need a director to be the specific contact for Research/ Media interview pairing and scheduling?
   8. Ordering and Mailing of Holiday cards for LTMs and former speakers
   9. Verge store standing
   10. Budget set for Hogan Hilling award Plaque
       1. 4 votes for $40 and 2 for $50
       2. Final vote on plaque budget Matt motioned for $50 Danny seconded Passed unanimously 
4. Old Business
   1. Membership Drive
      1. We missed out on December 
      2. Hard Schedule of January and early February
      3. How can we use the Podcast and Webinar to highlight membership? JHG will be the January webinar guest to talk about the benefits of membership. The podcast is already doing great work in promotion. Sergio suggested we also share the webinar info out onto LinkedIn. The podcast will begin announcing the new members as a little motivator and thank you to new members.
   2. Website
      1. Current status Transfer is complete with a few wrinkles with the new member transfers but overall it is going fine. Keith has been checking paypal daily to check on payments. Matt can begin filling this role.
      2. Adding a link to the Verge store Matt will put together a format to get the verge link and password info onto the website
      3. Adding discount code for Spring to the members area Is up on the members area.

Keith needs a Bio from Gerard

1. New Business
   1. Member Payment information
   2. Updated Members list
   3. Past members archive
      1. Do we have past convention attendee information from eventbrite? Keith will get Matt the attendee information on past conventions from Eventbrite to rebuild past member lists.
   4. Board Task list reminder We all need to be checking this channel more often. We can all tag ourselves. Matt will periodically tag  @channel to jog people’s memories. We will also begin to delete tasks as they are completed.

Motion to Adjourn JHG motion to adjourn at 10:44 pm eastern Charlie seconded. Vote is unanimous.

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I grew up in an abusive household. I wasn’t covered in bruises and forced to lie to cover up injuries, but looking back…it was abuse nonetheless. And it ran the spectrum. There was physical, mental, emotional, as well as sexual abuse in different times from different people across my life growing up. It left me in a weird place of depending on adults, but not trusting them with my needs.

Now, I’m a grown man with kids of his own. I’ve overcome a lot of things in my life, but there was always one lingering problem that took me years to overcome. “Advocating for Myself” There were those who knew of the physical abuse, but never stepped in to stop it. There were those who knew about the emotional abuse, but never stepped in to stop it. And seeing these people, turn and look the other way, kept me from reaching out and demanding that I be better taken care of. Or demanding that I need clean clothes to wear. Or demanding that I not be spanked or hit because someone had a bad day at work.

Even when my wife and I first got together, I never advocated for myself. I just let her do what she wanted and quietly suffered as my needs were being met less and less. Until, I was finally at rock bottom, that is. I had spiraled down to the point that I was in the grip of a deep depression. I was drinking myself to blackout almost nightly. I stopped bathing. I stopped checking the mail except for once a week. The only time I left the house was to smoke a cigarette or go to work.

It took awhile but I was finally able to stand up and say, “I’m a human being, I have value, I have worth, and I demand to be treated as such!” (Paraphrasing.)

My life has gotten infinitely better since those dark times. So, when COVID hit, I became acutely aware of my sons’ mental health. I had a firm grasp on the pulse of my issues, but everyone else? Not so much. You see, I’m the messed up one in the family. I’m the one I have to watch. Not them. They have their ducks in a row.

So, when they shut down school and went online, my boys were all for it. And largely we made our way through the school year without any of the trauma drama you hear about. Then, when school started back up, we, as a family were forced to make a decision: go back to ‘in-person’ classes or stay home with the online option.

We talked with the boys and both opted for online. And, at first, things were great. But, then I noticed something. My youngest would get down on Sunday nights. Then he would get upset about having to go back to school on Monday. When I asked him about it, I got nowhere. He would close up and refuse to talk about it.

But, I kept trying. And instead of framing it as a “WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL??” type of questioning, I framed it from the “I’m your dad, and I care deeply about your feelings, and I know something is off. Want to talk about it?” I channeled an adult voice I needed to hear when I was his age.

It worked. He started crying and everything came out. He was lonely. He was never given time to actually talk to any of his classmates. The teacher didn’t offer up enough structure so that even though he was getting all of his work done, he was terrified he was forgetting something and he was going to fail fourth grade.

Kid was sitting at the top of his class, and thought he was failing. The system wasn’t feeding him in the way he needed to be fed. And finally, through his tears and asked if he could go back to ‘in-person’ teaching. There’s a lot of layers to get through that this space won’t allow. So I will wrap up with this.

My youngest has been going to brick and mortar classes and has yet to have a single meltdown for any reason for the last three months. He walks taller. He talks louder. He is back to his old self again. And it’s because he advocated for himself.

When you’ve grown up in abusive environments, you don’t always get a stark visual that you have broken a chain. But, I have that visual now. I am the dad to my children that I needed when I was a child. And, I’ll put that in the win column any day.

The post Scotty Schrier’s Dad Victory appeared first on The National At-Home Dad Network.

I’ve been a SAHD for 3 years. I went back to work part time briefly before COVID but it was just the couple days a week my wife had off. My son is 3 and we are expecting our second in October. I plan to still be a SAHD with the second as well. We live on the central coast of California in a town called Los Osos. In the past 5 years we’ve lived here, the US Virgin Islands (through Hurricane Maria!), Florida, and now we’ve been back in California since July 2020.

I’m an ocean lover. I love everything about the ocean. My favorite place to be is in, on or around the ocean. We had been going to the beach regularly then one night we were sitting on the couch and my son Sebastian (we call him Bash) was watching some videos on his phone before we got ready for bed. Out of nowhere he turned to me and said “Daddy, can we go clean up the beach tomorrow?” My first reaction was surprise, then pride. Bash has always been a very kind and empathetic little kid but I don’t know where he got the idea for cleaning up the beach. Excited, I responded, “Of course we can buddy!”

The next morning we went to the store and picked up a trash grabber, and headed off to one of the many beaches around here. We spent the first 30 minutes looking for trash, but this particular beach was fairly clean. We only found a few pieces. I let him know that any trash we pick up is good; every little bit helps.

Even though we didn’t get a bunch of trash that first day, Bash was still interested in cleaning up the beaches. We made a rule that when we go to the beach we have to pick up at least 10 pieces of trash. It’s like the price of admission for the beach. I chose a beach that I knew needed more clean up, and he immediately started looking for his 10 pieces of trash. He didn’t quit at 10, either. We took breaks to play or throw rocks in the water, but before we left we had a trash bag half full of trash.

Since I love the ocean so much, Bash asking to clean up the beach touched my heart in a way I have never felt before. I have been proud of him for other things, of course. The parenting milestones. But this was a completely different Proud Dad feeling.

I plan to build off of this, and I’m thinking maybe we’ll start a more organized group beach clean up once we can gather again. I want to name it after the kid that started this whole thing, and call it Bash’s Beach Clean-Up. I’ve floated the idea on the Nextdoor app and lots of people are on board. Some of the locals even said he should be nominated for the Citizen of the Year for our area, and I should be nominated for Dad of the Year. That’s all great but to be honest just the idea that my son willingly suggested this on his own, and is excited to do it every time we go to the beach is more than I could ever ask for. Proud is an understatement. It’s my first big ‘Dad win’ and hopefully there will be many more to come.

The post April Dad Victory appeared first on The National At-Home Dad Network.

Ed Lavezzo is a Stay at home dad for three wonderful kids, Stella (9), Kayla (8) & Ben (7). He has been married to his wife Cecilia for just under 11 years. They currently live in Essex Fells, NJ where she is a Gastroenterologist. Ed has been a SAHD since December 2016. Before that, he was a tax accountant for 15 years. “The toughest part for me in going from working a traditional office job to being a SAHD was losing the identity I didn’t know I had,” Ed admitted that he wasn’t expecting to have gone through the mental struggle that he had when he embarked on his new path. “Two moments really changed the path I was going down for me and I have my wife to thank for both. She came to me a few months into being a SAHD and told me that I seemed mad all the time and that I might want to talk to someone. I knew she was right and I started going to a therapist shortly after.” While going to Therapy, Ed realized he was going through a period of loss that came with the change of careers. The second moment of change was attending his first HomeDadCon(HDC) in Portland, which his wife discovered for him. “I was in a city, alone, all the way across the country not knowing anyone who was there. Then on a quick train ride to one of the events a conversation with another attendee that was standing next to me opened my heart. We were both gripping about our everyday life where he told me one example of his frustration. It was almost exactly an experience I had. At that moment I realized maybe I wasn’t so alone in my struggles. Unknowingly that dad allowed me to give myself a break and just let go for the weekend.” Ed has attended every HDC since then and is currently a board member with the National At-Home Dad Organization. Ed admits that even after years of being a SAHD, the mental side of things can still be a struggle. “I need to make sure to take time for myself and give myself an outlet away from my normal day-to-day. If I don’t, the effects are definitely noticeable. I know that I am not being the dad I can be.” Over the last year, Ed has used the pandemic to be able to focus on his health. “I knew that I had let my health get out of control and I wasn’t the example to my kids that I needed to be.” So he focused on getting healthy and discovered new passions along the way that he didn’t know he had. Ed began running and found the time to be meditative and replenishing. Ed also joined his local volunteer fire department and is now in the fire academy as well. “I am at the point where I want to show my kids that if I put a goal out there to achieve, if you put in the work and dedication, that you can achieve it.”

The post Ed Lavezzo’s Dad Victory appeared first on The National At-Home Dad Network.

Kyle Denny became a stay-at-home dad in 2017 when childcare providers became an issue. He is also a homeschool teacher, husband, and - perhaps equally importantly- a runner.

Creating lesson plans, teaching, organizing the Denver Dads Group, and the daily tasks of being an at-home dad can lead to an overwhelming amount of stress. Kyle noticed he was getting angry more and it was affecting his relationship with his kids and spouse.

Kyle discovered running to be an essential part of self-care. Running not only reduces stress but also boosted energy levels to help keep up with the kids.

“As the miles pass by I can plan out my day. It’s just me and nature and not the chaos inside my house,” Kyle says.
The stress of daily life built and it got overwhelming for Kyle. He needed an outlet. Getting outdoors, finding new trails, meeting new runners, or opening a box of new running shoes is the self-care Kyle needed to be the parent, and spouse, he wanted to be.
He found a plan online and just started simple. It was the Couch25k program which begins with intervals of 60-second runs followed by 90 seconds of walking.

Kyle was never a runner. As a former smoker and reality tv watcher, he never imagined waking up before the sun got up to run.

We all need to find an outlet. Sometimes it comes from where we least expect it.

The post Kyle Denny’s Dad Victory appeared first on The National At-Home Dad Network.

Meet Phillip Fry, he introduced himself on a weekly zoom hangout for dads hosted by a member of our organization.

"I was born and raised on a farm in Ohio. My mother was a stay-at-home mom who raised me, my sister, and my cousins. I spent every summer after the age of 8 working full-time with my father’s construction company which taught me a lot about hard work, but since my father was a workaholic it was not a healthy environment for kids. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family with no examples of good parenting or marriage. As a little kid with no self-esteem, I became a target and was abused by our parish priest. As most survivors do, I kept my abuse secret and tried my best to mask it with drinking and other substances. I moved to Arizona at 19 and met my future wife. At that time having family was the furthest thing from my mind. We lived in Tucson where she went to college and I started a pool business service and retail store. Once she gave birth to our first child we made the choice to move up north and live self-sustainability, off-grid. I sold my business, bought a Toyota dolphin RV, and 20 acres of land. We lived in the RV while my wife worked from a laptop and I looked after our son and worked on building a home. It was slow and difficult, especially while watching a toddler. Many times I’d catch him dropping rocks into buried pipes and the like. I wish they made a front baby carrier with a tool belt. My father flew up for a week and helped me get the framing up, and after 3 years of building we moved out of the RV and into our home, it was surreal. We got a couple solar panels, batteries and a windmill, all a learning experience. After hauling water from town, 30 minutes away, for 3 years we put in a very welcomed well and having running water felt like hitting the lotto. Potty training a toddler to use an outhouse was...interesting.After finally coming forward about my past to my wife, my life was forever changed. Through the mercy of God, I was able to stop drinking and get clean. The Church and family became very important. Everyone jokes that there is no manual on parenting, but I feel like those of us who couldn’t even look to their own childhood for a starting point really is a “from scratch” approach. I am now looking after a 7 year old, 1 1/2 year old and 6 month old. I live in a very rural area and the whole stay-at-home dad thing is not accepted. I have to hear all kinds of put-downs which can really add to an already thankless job. My counselor found The National At-Home Dad Network and I went to the online convention. It was a game-changer. It was shocking to me to see so many other full-time fathers and be able to share struggles and triumphs together. I go to survivors support groups and I’ve been to 12 step programs, but I never thought that help was available as a stay-at-home dad. I took so much away from DadCon@Home; a lot of notes but more importantly, permanent changes in my daily routine. Thank you guys for all the time and energy you put into the network and convention, it is very much appreciated!"

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Hello. My name is Chris Matthews and I have two children, my daughter who is 7 and a son who is 5 and I have been a Stay At Home Dad for 7 years now since my daughter was born. I honestly never envisioned being a SAHD (stay-at-home dad) as a possibility growing up, for one thing, I always wanted to become a commercial pilot but a diagnosis of a chronic illness as a teen cut that short. Then after moving away from home to another state for my wife's job we eventually decided that it would make sense for me to stay home with our children.

As many of you know, being a SAHD is not always an easy thing. The long nights when they are babies, the bottles, diapers, and the crying but I do not think I would trade any of it for the ability I've had to stay home and be with my kids throughout their entire lives. But there are also many things that I do love about it. Being able to pick my children up from preschool or meet them at the bus stop rather than having them at daycare and being able to be at home and spend time with them on a daily basis has been amazing in my life. My children get to play at home with their Dad and I can make lunch and spend time playing and doing activities has been something that I never imagined. During this year of Covid, my Wife has been sure to let me know how much she appreciates me being able to be a SAHD. We've kept our children home for virtual schooling and the fact that I can handle everything about it while she has been working has been invaluable. Without that ability, I am sure that our lives would be thousands of times more hectic and stressful while trying to juggle their schooling.

While I do think that being a SAHD is an amazing thing in my life I do always try to hound on the point of self-care. I now always emphasize the point to find a hobby, do some volunteer work, do anything that you like that gets you out of the house. My first few years as a SAHD honestly were kind of miserable for the fact that I had no hobbies or activities to distract me from the children. I took care of the kids but I had no outlet for stress or recreation and it was honestly starting to eat me alive. Since then I have made a point of doing things that have gotten me outside of the house. I've taken up hiking and backpacking which is wonderful since here in Wisconsin we have thousands of miles of scenic hiking trails and I can get out for exercise, during the summer I'll attend my local "Cars & Coffee" gathering which allows me to have adult conversations outside of the house which I find helps immensely. I think the most important self-care I've found though is volunteering as an Off-Ice Official for a local junior hockey team. This gets me out of the house weekly during the winter, which in Wisconsin is long, dark, and dreary. I had also earlier mentioned that I had wanted to be a pilot so I also am quite the flight simulator enthusiast, even if it is only for 30 minutes I can boot up a flight and escape into the world of flying and just relax and destress.

So in conclusion I would like to say that I have loved my time as a SAHD and I look forward to doing it for many more years but I always want to emphasize that balance, like in most things in life, is key to being successful and being able to do a good job. Our kids love us and look to us but we are useless if we are completely burnt out to our cores without that chance to recharge. As the character Red Green would say " Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.".

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Tim McMichael has been a stay-at-home dad since the fall of 2017. He is the father to six amazing kids and the husband to a beautiful Native American nurse.

Tim came into this role as an at-home dad when his niece and two nephews needed a safe and loving home. At the time, he was a web monkey for a fortune 500 company while his wife was an RN, BSN, and PHN on the Indian Reservation they live near. Needless to say, she had a greater income, but he could also work from home and be pickier with his clients. After a three-year custody battle, Tim and his wife obtained custody of their niece and nephews.

Tim found The National At-Home Dad Network (NAHDN) early in his stay-at-home dad adventure. He also discovered another organization called the FATHER Project. With both NADHN and FATHER Project on his side, Tim found a place to ask for help. Tim appreciates and respects the legacy of the NAHDN. He has great relationships with dads through this organization both online and by attending HomeDadCon.

Tim has learned that being a stay-at-home dad is not easy. He is his kid's support and spiritual scratching post, especially with an autistic son. With COVID, the world has become even more stressful. But one thing he appreciates is having his brotherhood of fatherhood to fall back upon for support.

Tim has learned that being a stay-at-home dad is not easy. He is his kid's support and spiritual scratching post, especially with an autistic son. With COVID, the world has become even more stressful. But one thing he appreciates is having his brotherhood of fatherhood to fall back upon for support.

 

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