If I could have my time over,
I would do it all differently
and not treat each precious moment
with such disregard and flippancy.

I would use my time effectively,
I would think ahead and plan.
I would reserve my stores of energy,
and take charge when I can.

But it’s too late in the journey
for regret, too late to repent –
because there’s not a socket in sight,
and my battery’s on one per ce

Morrissey
was filled
with sudden
self-doubt

as he shut
his fridge door –
did the light
never go out?

She came from Greece,
she had a faulty socket.
Her eye fell out,
she couldn’t stop it.

That’s when I
caught her eye.

Next month’s show at Words on the Water has sold out, but tickets are on sale for the other festivals. More info on those, plus my autumn tour dates, can be found here … https://brianbilston.com/events/

End of mildly boring post.

Even now in my mind,
that row remains VIVID –
I tried to stay CIVIL
but you ended up LIVID.

https://www.waterstones.com/book/how-to-lay-an-egg-with-a-horse-inside/brian-bilston/9781035085729

Alternatively, signed copies are available to order through your local indie bookshop.

Waterstones are also promoting 25% off for preorders of the paperback edition of my poetry collection for children, ‘Let Sleeping Cats Lie’. That one is out in August:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/let-sleeping-cats-lie-pet-poems/brian-bilston/9781035050574

having noticed one day
his keyboard was dirty,
he reached for the soap spray
and gave it a SQWERTY,
before scrubbing away
‘til each letter was clean
in ignorant bliss of
having wrec ed his machine –

for the  eys which once wor ed
no  grad ally did not
and the more that he ty ed
the  orse it all got
so that as the close
of his  oem dre  near,
as he  atched every s mbol,
e ery sign disa  ear,
he felt li e a  ostman
at the end of hi  ro nd,
 ith barel  a lette
in hi  bag to b  fo nd.

An unfaltering ability to 
Bring clarity to the English language 
Constitutes your  
Defining quality. 
Ever since the day we 
First met and I 
Giggled at the rude words  
Hidden amongst your pages, 
I adored you,  
Jubilant in the 
Knowledge that things were 
Looking up. You offered me the 
Meaning of life, 
Not to mention the meaning of all those 
Other words, too. 
Perfect at settling Scrabble board 
Quarrels, your judgement 
Reigns supreme. I 
Sift you daily, panning for words in 
The hope of penning the  
Ultimate – the greatest poem this  
Vast world has ever seen, but 
Whoa, here comes the 
X, and oh, alphabet, how could you, I knew 
You’d get the better of me 
Zooner or later. 

Believe in yourself.
You can do anything you set your heart on –
except A level physics, perhaps.
Well, all the sciences really.

DIY is a bit of a no-no, too.
See also: driving; skiing; map reading;
cooking pasta in the right quantities;
relationships; origami.

Don’t even think about running
your own business. Or singing in tune.
Best to steer clear of all activities which require
good hand-eye coordination.

Forget ice-skating, tending house plants,
dealing with spiders, the correct spelling of the word
‘enjambement’. I could go on.
But do not despair – for given time

and with a little luck on your side –
you can achieve a basic level of competence
in a limited number of simple, unremarkable things,
you just need to believe in yourself.