Sharing longer thoughts & stories about tech, gender, health, climbinghttps://mbell.dev/MIT License Copyright © 1936 dash14.ack Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions: The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all copies or substantial portions of the Software. THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE.https://mbell.dev/post/superhero-or-aws-service/https://mbell.dev/post/superhero-or-aws-service/Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a global load balancer?Mon, 09 Mar 2026 20:44:17 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/crow/https://mbell.dev/post/crow/Crow tattoo.Sun, 01 Feb 2026 21:23:32 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/on-cruising/https://mbell.dev/post/on-cruising/I went on a cruise ship recently for the first time. I have a lot of thoughts on my experience, mainly that I did not enjoy it and had this eternal sense of discomfort and unease throughout the trip. This is a quick dump of my thoughts on various things that made me feel uncomfortable. Tue, 30 Dec 2025 16:54:00 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/the-neovim-post/https://mbell.dev/post/the-neovim-post/I think there's something really satisfying and enjoyable about taking a tool you use every day, and customising it and tuning it so it becomes truly your own. Knowing that all of the features and abilities are just what you need and nothing more. Weird little parts that fit your own quirks. Style that matches how you feel. This is the blog post about Neovim. What even is Neovim? Neovim is a program that lets you edit text. It's based on Vim, a program that has been around for years, which iSat, 25 Oct 2025 14:29:54 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/youre-in-love-with-the-future-i-dont-know-why-2/https://mbell.dev/post/youre-in-love-with-the-future-i-dont-know-why-2/Is AI helping us or just helping capitalism?Fri, 26 Sep 2025 20:26:34 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/chronic-illness-communities-are-rife-with-medical-disinformation-2/https://mbell.dev/post/chronic-illness-communities-are-rife-with-medical-disinformation-2/Chronic illness sufferers are constantly exposed to harmful or unhelpful misinformation from grifters trying to take our money.Fri, 19 Sep 2025 20:14:00 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/how-i-work-obsidian/https://mbell.dev/post/how-i-work-obsidian/I quickly explain how I stick together a bunch of tools in weird and wonderful ways to try and get my life together. Obsidian is pretty fun!Mon, 15 Sep 2025 21:16:30 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/facing-it-maisie-gets-facial-feminisation-surgery/https://mbell.dev/post/facing-it-maisie-gets-facial-feminisation-surgery/A long-form account of my experiences getting facial surgery with Facial Team.Mon, 08 Sep 2025 19:54:39 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/my-bullet-journal-isnt-a-mental-health-cure-but/https://mbell.dev/post/my-bullet-journal-isnt-a-mental-health-cure-but/Journalling can be fun and enjoyable if you let it be. It doesn't have to be a boring chore.Wed, 13 Aug 2025 19:52:04 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/this-week-2025-07-27/https://mbell.dev/post/this-week-2025-07-27/This week: I get a new piece of smart tech, listen to some bleeps and bloops, and start getting serious about my health.Sun, 27 Jul 2025 09:50:10 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/rip-the-bottom-of-the-webpage/https://mbell.dev/post/rip-the-bottom-of-the-webpage/miss you xoxoMon, 14 Jul 2025 19:53:10 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/severance-and-dissociation/https://mbell.dev/post/severance-and-dissociation/I just finished the 7th episode of season two of Severance. Oh my gosh I have so many thoughts I need to get out into text form. This is going to contain a lot of spoilers for the show. If you haven’t watched, you should close this browser tab. And then go binge the entire show. Anyway. In this episode, we get caught up with Gemma, Mark’s “late” wife who we find out isn’t actually all that dead. We knew that she worked on the severed floor as her severed identity, Ms Casey, and we knew she wasSun, 13 Jul 2025 12:24:05 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/the-road-to-v5/https://mbell.dev/post/the-road-to-v5/Aaaaaaaa. I started 2024 just about being able to climb V3 graded routes at a few gyms around London but I wanted to do better and get to climbing V4s consistently. Actually, let me correct myself there. I started 2024 with a sprained ankle and a lot of sitting around watching my friends climb, looking like a sad little puppy. Just needed a cone to complete the look. After six weeks or so I was back on the wall and climbing, and I was thrilled to find that I could still remember techniques aSun, 16 Feb 2025 13:26:50 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/a-leap-of-faith/https://mbell.dev/post/a-leap-of-faith/The hardest thing about transition is trusting yourself that you’re making the best decisions possible. None of us really know for sure what the future holds and what will happen next. We’re always taking a leap of faith. Yeah, uh, this is a post about my upcoming Facial Feminisation Surgery… In about a week’s time I’ll be going under the knife with FacialTeam in Spain. They’ll be burring down and refining my forehead down, popping out some hair follicles and using it to fill in my hair line, Sun, 02 Feb 2025 20:34:26 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/the-simple-joy-of-climbing/https://mbell.dev/post/the-simple-joy-of-climbing/I first went bouldering at a north London climbing centre in summer 2022, in order to try and impress someone I was dating at the time. We joined a friendly group of people who visited weekly and climbed together, and I initially suffered through it because they were very lovely and it was nice to be in a community. I was very scared of going up walls though and I was kinda weak and had little noodle arms though, but it didn’t stop me. I had to take a break for three months as I had bottom surSun, 07 Apr 2024 10:07:54 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/whoops-lets-try-this-again/https://mbell.dev/post/whoops-lets-try-this-again/Having finally seen a psychiatrist this week to look into my serious mental health symptoms, I’ve finally been given a diagnosis and treatment plan—I have Complex PTSD, which is honestly what I began to realise I had already. But it’s definitely a big jump from thinking you have something, to a trained professional telling you that, yes, your brain is really that fucked up. In Safe Mode, I explained how this affects how I interact with the world every day. Emotions feel too intense to the pointThu, 28 Mar 2024 18:19:03 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/safe-mode/https://mbell.dev/post/safe-mode/Safe mode is a feature in Windows where your computer boots up in a basic state, with most features and abilities disabled. It’s intended as a way to safely rule out bad settings and rogue hardware drivers that can be causing issues, and give you a more stable place to start fixing things. As a result, what you’re able to do when you’re in safe mode is rather limited. My brain has been in safe mode for the last year. Every little thing, every perceived “threat”, any time where there is a lot oWed, 14 Feb 2024 06:53:12 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/the-existential-fear-of-rejection/https://mbell.dev/post/the-existential-fear-of-rejection/I signed up for my second round of therapy with the goal of managing and breaking out of a depressive spiral. In the first appointment, my therapist predicted that my depression is powered by anxiety alone, and by tackling that, it would lead to much better management of my depression. The next session she made a conjecture that my anxiety was built on the fear of rejection and abandonment. So er, turns out she was right. On both counts. Working through feelings and my behavioural patterns andMon, 21 Aug 2023 16:49:38 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/surviving/https://mbell.dev/post/surviving/Content warning for strong depression themes, mentions of suicide It wasn’t until the last couple of weeks, that I was fully able to comprehend that just getting through life makes you a survivor. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for years and years, and it came to a head earlier in 2023. I’ve missed so much time with my friends, at work, and with my hobbies over the last couple of months especially. Last week, I began the third attempt at finding a medicine that works to allevTue, 04 Jul 2023 20:41:52 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/on-my-mind/https://mbell.dev/post/on-my-mind/This is a follow up to the post I wrote a few weeks ago (Committing To A Better Me). Content warnings for depression themes and mentions of suicide. About five weeks ago, I finally reached out to my doctor about my symptoms of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. They gave me a referral to a therapist, nearly two months off work, and a prescription for an anti depressant, sertraline. The next couple of weeks were extremely tough as I was dealing with both my own breakdown and adjusting tMon, 12 Jun 2023 15:51:47 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/committing-to-a-better-me/https://mbell.dev/post/committing-to-a-better-me/I don’t need to tell any of you about the many stressors and anxieties surrounding being a trans person in the year 2023. I feel like it’s a topic that’s been done to death and only serves to make people needlessly worried and scared and serves no real purpose. No, what I’m focussing on today is how that there’s so many things that have been affecting my brain and my ability to function normally in my day to day, and finally, I’ve hit a point where I’m getting the help I need and working on a plTue, 09 May 2023 16:01:22 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/pizza-restaurants-are-pretentious/https://mbell.dev/post/pizza-restaurants-are-pretentious/Pizza should be an unfussy vessel for cheese and carbs to enter your mouth.Fri, 28 Apr 2023 18:57:24 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/i-wish-i-was-normal/https://mbell.dev/post/i-wish-i-was-normal/i wish i didn’t have breakdowns from being around too many people or unfamiliar situations or too many sensory inputs. i wish i didn’t have to act hard to blend in with others. i wish i didn’t have to constantly worry about my access to healthcare and medication. i wish i didn’t have to worry about getting harassed or hurt any time i leave my house. i wish i didn’t get misgendered by strangers daily, especially when i talk to them. i wish i didn’t have to avoid social media and reading newsMon, 17 Apr 2023 12:49:31 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/trans-day-of-invisibility-and-two-years-out/https://mbell.dev/post/trans-day-of-invisibility-and-two-years-out/Trans Day of Visibility 2021, two years ago, I changed my social media and came out to everyone remaining as Maisie. You can read about it here: Hello World, Again. The two years that have followed have been such a whirlwind rollercoaster ride. I’ve made some incredible friends, found many wonderful and supportive communities, and finally in 2022 I was able to really start feeling like I’d found my place in the world. Things have got to a point where transition is far from being my main personFri, 31 Mar 2023 11:20:01 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/this-weekend/https://mbell.dev/post/this-weekend/tw: transphobia this weekend, i was the victim of a hate crime. i was walking through my local park when i overheard a bunch of guys talking about me, saying “that’s a bloke isn’t it” and talking about throwing beer on me, before proceeding to start throwing pebbles at me as i quickly walked away. this happened in the middle of the day, on a busy weekend with many people around. no one stepped in. no one asked if i was ok. i took a different route home. the experience was extremely dehumanisMon, 13 Mar 2023 19:07:30 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/to-my-cis-friends/https://mbell.dev/post/to-my-cis-friends/this is something that i didn't really know if i wanted to write or not, and also whether i should, whether my words are necessary. but i felt like it would be cathartic to put some words and thoughts out. i'd really appreciate all my cisgender friends and family having a read. this past weekend, a sixteen year old trans girl was murdered. in broad daylight. in a cheshire park. she'd been subjected to years of transphobic abuse at school and online. there's evidence of her being assaulted, andMon, 13 Feb 2023 14:27:55 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/2022/https://mbell.dev/post/2022/About a year ago, I was sitting in front of my iPad, writing and reflecting on how I felt about how my 2021 had been. I’d essentially gone from zero to one hundred—starting a new job at Apple, coming out to everyone as trans in just a couple of months, moving home, and starting to make new connections online. Here’s what I wrote: It’s really tricky to try and sum up such a year as 2021. Amongst the constant anxiety, stress and sadness from living through a once-in-a-generation* global pandemic,Tue, 27 Dec 2022 14:12:48 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/my-favourite-albums-of-2022/https://mbell.dev/post/my-favourite-albums-of-2022/There were a few albums I kept coming back to this year which I just really enjoyed throughout. These are them. Don't expect any fancy review here, haha. I'm just going to drop a favourite track from each album. Everything Everything - Raw Data Feel Honestly one of my favourite records to come from the boys in recent years, especially thematically. Moderat - MORE D4TA I feel like this is one of the most consistent albums I've listened to in a while, feels like each track flows really wellWed, 30 Nov 2022 23:19:32 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/prufrock-coffee/https://mbell.dev/post/prufrock-coffee/Visiting Prufrock Coffee on Leather Lane to experience two state-of-the-art espressos; modern style on modern hardware, versus classic Italian style on restored vintage hardware.Mon, 26 Sep 2022 18:11:38 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/four-weeks/https://mbell.dev/post/four-weeks/If all goes according to plan, in four and a half weeks’ time I’ll have a vagina. Fuck. A year ago this felt unattainable, a pipe dream, a vague concept, and now it’s really finally happening. Assuming everything runs to schedule, I’ll be healed and back on my feet by Christmas. It’s very surreal, knowing that my life is about to be, consensually, really quite difficult and scary and risky for a little while, but also knowing that the end state is going to bring me a lot of joy and peace. AsSat, 10 Sep 2022 21:06:04 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/it-started-with-a-selfie-filter/https://mbell.dev/post/it-started-with-a-selfie-filter/Two years ago, I took this little selfie, and ran it through a filter that promised to “make you look like the other (sic) gender”. This photo above was the result. The moment that I saw this, I broke down sobbing. I had, only in the previous couple of days, found the Dysphoria Bible [https://genderdysphoria.fyi] via a tweet and had a multi-day depressive episode because I found it so painfully relatable. You see, two years ago, I was cooped up in my family home during the first Covid lockdownMon, 25 Jul 2022 21:40:09 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/maisie-x-estrogen/https://mbell.dev/post/maisie-x-estrogen/Preface This is intended as a living (i.e., constantly updated) guide documenting all the changes, effects and feelings I’ve experience while undergoing hormone replacement therapy in the first few years of my medical transition. The guide is meant to present how I feel throughout as-is, and will try and reflect on other things that may have helped cause or enhance these effects. I think in transfem circles, there’s often a big emphasis on how important estrogen is, its effects, and the timingTue, 03 May 2022 12:06:47 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/trans-visibility-and-one-year-out/https://mbell.dev/post/trans-visibility-and-one-year-out/Reflecting on a busy and spectacular year full of changes, as well as discussing what it means to be visible.Thu, 31 Mar 2022 08:03:52 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/how-i-worked-out-i-was-trans/https://mbell.dev/post/how-i-worked-out-i-was-trans/Warning: this post talks about some of my dysphoria, however I don’t go into a lot of detail. A quick timeline as an overview: * 2015 - 2018: got meeting trans people at university, realised being trans is a thing * 2019: seeing trans people share their transitions on social media, realising that, hey actually, this is something attainable and something I’d want! * March 2020: start of lockdown, move home. shave off beard and really love how it looks. start having a proper gender cThu, 24 Feb 2022 23:58:04 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/we-dont-do-valentines/https://mbell.dev/post/we-dont-do-valentines/My relationship with my partner, Izzy, is not the most orthodox. We first met on Twitter about eleven(?) years ago, through a shared interest in the video game, Portal. We spent the next six or so years becoming really close internet friends, helping each other through difficult times and hanging out and playing video games together online. Eventually, in 2018, she came to visit me in London and we went to a folk concert together. We rapidly realised we both had feelings beyond just good frienMon, 14 Feb 2022 13:32:48 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/twenty-twenty-one/https://mbell.dev/post/twenty-twenty-one/It’s really tricky to try and sum up such a year as 2021. Amongst the constant anxiety, stress and sadness from living through a once-in-a-generation* global pandemic, I’ve been really fortunate in feeling the most alive I’ve ever felt. If I had to sum up my year in one word, it would be: foundational. I feel like there’s a lot that’s happened that will set me up for an even better future. * I mean, climate change will probably mean more pandemics, as natural habitats fail and wild animals actiThu, 30 Dec 2021 22:50:11 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/dear-closeted-younger-me/https://mbell.dev/post/dear-closeted-younger-me/About a year ago, I was cracking out of my trans denial phase and working out who I was. I was deeply closeted to everyone but my wonderful and supportive partner and a couple of other people close to me. Scrolling through Twitter, saw tweets from other trans femmes who were out, doing amazing things and otherwise just proudly living their lives. As much as it was really wonderful to see, a small part of me definitely felt jealous and envious that they were able to live their life and be out anMon, 27 Dec 2021 00:18:27 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/twenty-five/https://mbell.dev/post/twenty-five/It feels a little bit narcissistic to do a blog post on your own birthday. But that’s exactly what I’m doing, and I feel like there’s good reason for it. For a lot of people, your 25th birthday is already significant enough. You now have to select a whole different option when a survey asks you, ”What age range are you in?”. You’re coming to the end of your time using the 16-25 Railcard. You’ve also made it a quarter of a century, which is pretty significant! For me, 25 is special because it’sSun, 05 Dec 2021 00:11:23 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/our-coffee-setup/https://mbell.dev/post/our-coffee-setup/This post is a very long winded walkthrough of mine and my partner’s home espresso setup. Will it get technical? Of course. Read as much or as little as you want 😄 The Espresso Machine We have been using the Rocket Appartamento for the last few months. There’s definitely better options out there at the price I paid but... come on. Look at it! The machine is such a gorgeous, well built centrepiece in our kitchen. I personally love the huge steam wand knob with the giant “R” embossed onto it (mFri, 15 Oct 2021 17:44:48 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/national-coming-out-day/https://mbell.dev/post/national-coming-out-day/Coming out was a bit of a strange experience for me. When I was very much questioning, I confided only in my partner and a very close friend. I think I was very lucky that I had that support from both of them, especially the former. It helped me so much, especially as my mind was a mess at the time. Slowly and methodically, when I was ready, I let a wider group of people know until I eventually changed all my social media profiles and let everyone else know. Questioning and coming out to yourseMon, 11 Oct 2021 16:18:55 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/six-months/https://mbell.dev/post/six-months/It's been six short months since I changed my name and reintroduced myself, although it feels a lot longer. Without any doubt it's been one of the best decisions of my life. Yes, some things have been hard and not always easy, but I feel so much more alive and present than I ever did. It is quite strange how comfortable it all feels now that the dust has settled? Like, just considering my mental state alone, I feel far less anxious about everything all the time. Not to say that I walk around wiFri, 01 Oct 2021 17:34:23 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/hello-world-again/https://mbell.dev/post/hello-world-again/It's been a little while since I've done one of these. How have you been? I hope you have been keeping well during this pandemic. I've been okay. I'm coming out of the pandemic with some very exciting new changes. A new job, a new flat, and I've finally discovered my gender. That's correct. I am a woman. My name is Maisie now. It might come as a surprise! And I can appreciate that. It's big news, and to be honest it's also taken me a very long time to come to terms with it. What I ask of youMon, 29 Mar 2021 21:59:00 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/the-sourdough-recipe/https://mbell.dev/post/the-sourdough-recipe/This is the recipe I follow to make my own sourdough bread. It came about through a lot of trial and error, as well as experimenting with various amounts of water and flours, so I'd recommend using this as a starting point to create your own recipe! Equipment * A banneton or bread basket: a rounded, wicker basket that is used when fermenting and shaping the dough in the fridge overnight. An actual banneton isn't strictly required, although it gives the bread a really pretty circle patSat, 26 Dec 2020 15:31:19 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/moving-all-my-cloud-stuff-to-terraform/https://mbell.dev/post/moving-all-my-cloud-stuff-to-terraform/I want it all. The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs. Here's what happened when I moved my infrastructure to Terraform.Sat, 25 Apr 2020 13:30:00 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/kombucha-recipe/https://mbell.dev/post/kombucha-recipe/My usual Kombucha recipe, updated as the recipe is updated. Mon, 03 Feb 2020 12:32:01 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/how-we-work-managing-the-nacl-podcast-with-github/https://mbell.dev/post/how-we-work-managing-the-nacl-podcast-with-github/We’re probably the first webscale podcast. Let us guide you through our story.Sun, 11 Aug 2019 21:02:37 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/changing-of-the-seasonings-nacl-redesign/https://mbell.dev/post/changing-of-the-seasonings-nacl-redesign/You may have noticed that the NaCl Twitter page and podcast images get a bit of a revamp in recent weeks. This is part of our careful, considered design system that evoques the spirit and feeling of the podcast. We poured our heart and soul into this design and project, and hope that this effort is apparent to you, the listeners. The NaCl design systemTypeface Apercu Bold, typeface for NaCl.We chose the Apercu Bold typeface for all of our branding. Bold. Striking. Yet slightly humanist and warMon, 27 May 2019 21:33:00 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/building-a-react-app-with-the-spotify-web-playback-api/https://mbell.dev/post/building-a-react-app-with-the-spotify-web-playback-api/In this guide, I'll be demonstrating how to use the Spotify Web Playback API and how to connect it up with a React app.Fri, 29 Dec 2017 22:15:00 GMThttps://mbell.dev/post/creating-the-stickerdex/https://mbell.dev/post/creating-the-stickerdex/Turning a kinda rubbish idea into a kinda cool webpage.Fri, 14 Jul 2017 00:12:00 GMT