How can I have
The luxury of grief
When there is no grave
On which to weep
When there is no bed
On which a patient sleeps.

How can I move on
When I am on a treadmill
Every step forward
Leaves me
In the exact same place.

I hate
That I don’t know
How long to Wait
That I cannot rest
Until I know your fate
But what if
Until then
It is too late.

What if I graduate
What if one of us ties the knot
What if we bury someone
And you’re still not there.

I dread the celebrations
Standing on stage
With a light on my face
I hate happiness
Because you were my happiness
And they took you away.

Lord, teach this lost child
How to move on
Without a body to mourn
Without a patient or prisoner
To visit.
Teach her joy when her joy has gone.
Teach her hope in You Alone.

Aymun Sajid

IG & TWT: @aymunsajid

Everyone celebrated #fathersday today. I don’t remember ever celebrating it before. When you were still here, every day was father’s day for me.

Today I saw people sharing heartfelt messages to their fathers, posting pictures of them and sharing their favorite memories. Just for a moment, Baba….I’ll pretend I can do the same.

When I sit at my study table in the evening I remember how I used to strain my ears, listening for the sound of your car pulling into the driveway, and I would drop everything and race my sisters to the door. You’d open the door with a big, boisterous Salam, and hug and kiss us one by one. Every single day.

I remember how we would bake ginger cookies and make sure to keep a jar on your desk. They would disappear surprisingly fast as you worked.

I remember sitting outside on the porch in the evenings, and listening to the deep, smooth melody of your recitation of the Quran, as you shared your snack with Cado the cat.

Now, when I come home from university and open the door, there is no cheerful Salam. There is no big bear hug. Your desk stands in the corner, with my drawings still taped lovingly above it, but empty. In the evenings, as I sit outside and quietly recite my own lesson from the Quran, I can’t hear your voice anymore.

I wish…I hope, I pray, that this doesn’t have to go on for much longer, Baba. This biccha of yours misses you very, very much.

Love you forever and ever.

The event was organized by Defense of Human Rights Pakistan, headed by Mrs Amina Masood Janjua and her daughter, Aishah Masood Janjua. Mrs Janjua’s husband Masood Janjua has been forcibly disappeared since 2005, yet instead of remaining a victim, she has become a renowned activist as well as the most well-heard voice for missing persons across Pakistan and globally.

The event was attended by journalists, activists, lawyers and other families of forcibly disappeared persons.

Some renowned names present were Advocate Iman Mazari, Advocate Umer Gilani (lawyer of Sajid Mehmood’s case), Journalist Matiullah Jan, Journalist Asad Ali Toor, and Activist Talia Khattak.

The launch commenced with the recitation of the Holy Quran by Hanaa Sajid, the youngest daughter of forcibly disappeared Sajid Mehmood. She recited Surah Al Burooj and its translation, befitting the event.

This was followed by an introduction from Mrs Amina Janjua, who summarized the situation regarding enforced disappearances, updated the participants about recent developments and shared her thoughts on the book.

After Mrs Janjua, the author of Refusing to Disappear, Aymun Sajid, shared the reasons of why she wrote the diary and gave an insight into the daily struggles of forcibly disappeared person’s families. A passage from the book was also presented and read aloud.

Following Aymun, the family’s lawyer Advocate Umer Gilani, who is also a writer, shared his thoughts. He gave a literary review of the book and shared some possible legal solutions for enforced disappearances. Mr. Gilani has been presenting Sajid’s Mehmood’s case in the Islamabad High Court all these six years, receiving a landmark judgement in the process.

Sajid Mehmood’s eldest daughter, Haadiya, also shared her thoughts on the occasion in simple yet powerful words.

Advocate Iman Mazari and Activist Talia Khattak also spoke and endorsed the book.

A Q&A session was also held and journalists put forward their queries to the panel.

After the remarks were over, participants generously showed their support by buying the book which was available at the venue and receiving the author’s signature.

A banner with QR codes to Amnesty International’s petition for the release of Sajid Mehmood and the Refusing To Disappear website was also used by the participants.

The gathering of professionals and common citizens alike at this event proves that awareness and activism against the heinous crime of Enforced Disappearances in Pakistan is only increasing. After the event, there was also an overwhelming positive social media response with hundreds of shares and tweets. The author and her family were overwhelmed by generous reaction, and they would like to express their sincere gratitude to all those who participated in person and online.

We hope that this campaign brings hope and benefit to all forcibly disappeared person’s families across Pakistan and conveys the whole truth to those in power.

This is just the beginning.

Join the campaign by signing the petition for the release of Sajid Mehmood.

Find links for buying the book and supporting the campaign here: https://linktr.ee/reftd

Download and share the following poster alongside the links on WhatsApp / Twitter / Instagram / any other social media:

We Refuse to Disappear.

#EndEnforcedDisappearances #ReleaseMissingPersons

#ReleaseSajidMehmood

Here are some practical steps you can take:

Educate Yourself

Despite thousands of people being forcibly disappeared, a shocking majority of Pakistani public is still not up to date with the whole issue. There are many stigmas, misunderstandings or straight up ignorance regarding something that could even easily befall them.

What is it? 

• An enforced disappearance is the secret abduction or imprisonment of a person by a state or political organization. 
• It can also be done by a third party with the authorization, support, or consent of a state / political organization. 
• The most painful aspect is the refusal to acknowledge the person’s fate and whereabouts, not giving a chance of fair trial and keeping the victim outside the protection of the law.

Did you know?

Pakistani law requires that no one should be detained beyond 24 hours without production in a court, and an illegal detention is punishable by death!
However, no one has ever been charged or punished in Pakistan for this atrocious crime against humanity.

• According to the Commission of Missing Persons established by the Government more than 8000 citizens to date have become the victim of enforced disappearances in Pakistan. The actual number of cases are much more than reported.
  
• Thousands of children, wives, old mothers & fathers are waiting for years in the hope to be reunited with their disappeared loved-ones. They have no contact with their family members and have no knowledge of their wellbeing.
  

Take Action!

1.Support campaigns/accounts on social media which are demanding Release of Missing Persons eg #ReleaseMissingPersons #EndEnforcedDisappearances

2.Help Missing Persons families around you.

3.Join protests and demonstrations, even if for a short while! 

4.Support Defense of Human Rights and other similar organizations.

5.Spread awareness on this issue.

6. Last but definitely not least, spare a moment, raise your hands and pray sincerely for the thousands of grieving families to be able to reunite with their loved ones.

Think…

What would be the effect on your family if a loved one disappeared this suddenly, without being charged of any crime? Never produced in a court? Never allowed to hire a lawyer? And never allowed to speak to their family….and this goes on for YEARS!

All this in TOTAL VIOLATION of the laws and constitution of Pakistan.

As a responsible Pakistani citizen, or even as a human being, it is your duty to raise your voice for justice and basic rights. By remaining silent, are you not becoming a party to this heinous crime?

No action is too small. Forcibly disappeared persons and their families need all the support they can get.

They want us to disappear along with our loved ones. We need you to see us. Join the struggle.

We Refuse To Disappear.

Below is a practical handout for spreading awareness: save and share.

Assalaamu Alaikum…! (You taught me to always greet first.) How are you doing, Baba?

…It’s been a long time. A long, long time.

I wrote something, you know. I wrote a journal about what happened to you. What happened to us. I wrote it in one night, Baba. I just sat down and all the words poured out of me. Just tore out of my heart and fell out of me.

I know you would have been worried. You would have told me to go back to bed then. But I think it was good for me, Baba. It hurt so bad. It still hurts. But don’t worry, Baba…I think it’s good hurting.
Mama read it first, and she cried. Then your big baccha read it, and she cried, too. And your small bachha…well, she refused to read it at first, because you know her – she hates to cry. But you know what, Baba? We had kind of stopped trying to talk about it. About you. Because it hurt. It hurts seeing Mama cry, my sisters cry. But it’s also relieving. Its hard to cry together, but it’s better too, you know?

It’s going to be published soon. I’m…I’m kind of scared, Baba. But when you come back…at least I’ll be able to say I did something! That I did something for you.

I know you would never ask me to do this. Actually, you would never want me to do this just for you. But it’s also for me, Baba. It’s also for Mama. And my sisters. And thousands of other kids like me. And fathers like you.
Would you be proud of me for doing that, Baba? I think so. I hope so. Because you taught us to do that, to lend a hand.

Baba, I hate coming home everyday to a house that doesn’t have you. I keep waiting to hear you whoosh the door open and sing your boisterous ‘Assalaamu Alaikum!’ I miss racing my sisters to the door to see who would be the first one to jump into your arms.

So, Baba…come back soon, yeah? I mean…its not up to you, I know. You would never have left in the first place then. You were taken.

But…come back soon anyway. Please?

Lots and lots of love,

Aymun