Uno dos tres quatro cinco cinco seis

Back when my sister and I would hang at the mall, sometimes we’d get bored and play this game of trying to get the highest number of random strangers to stare at the ceiling. We’d just walk down the mall, both looking at the ceiling as if looking for something specific.

You’d be amazed how contagious that is.

This movie made me want never to smile again, just for the fashion alone (sorry, poor joke).

It’s one of the most historically-accurate movies I’ve ever seen, and it makes me feel so bad for my ancestors.

Like, christ, life absolutely sucked and yet the colonists didn’t have it hard enough.

(e: look at the fashion in the movie though. It’s spot on. A masterclass in movie costuming, and that feels like an undersale. Just phenomenal dressing of this movie from every angle.
Dialogue too.)

Try to find your analogue in this world. Who would you be?

I can’t find the article now. It was either Vox, Forbes, or Hollywood Informer.

Now, all the top 30 pages of results come up with makeup artists speculating on what he’s doing to his hand to hide whatever bruising is happening there. I’m sorry, I wish I’d saved it. I’m sure the article is still somewhere if you care more than me to devote an hour to finding it.

Sorry: The Witch

Great movie, if you haven’t seen it.

The dead moose would be profoundly better as the surgeon general.

We need you to die for us, but only if you have the right genitals.

Genitals win or lose wars, apparently.

It is though. Only a bit, but you can’t get that orange even using the orange concealer he uses wrong.

Fun fact, btw: it’s not spray tan. The real story is much sadder. It’s a certain brand of concealer he buys in bulk, because way back in his the Apprentice days, a talented makeup artist made him look far, far better on camera than he looked in the mirror, and he asked her how she made him look so good.

According to an interview she later gave, she explained her whole routine. It seems he stopped listening after her fist few sentences, though, because from then on he began buying the first step she used (a certain orange concealer) and just slathering it all over his face as the one and only step.

Some of his previous maids have confirmed this, and some have said he goes through shirts like no one else because the concealer stains like crazy. It’s not meant to be used that way, you’re supposed to use it sparingly underneath foundation, powder, etc. he uses it alone and in copious amounts.

Spray tan or bronzer would at least make some sense. The real story is worse.

He is that inattentive and stupid.

They’re all basically the same. Narcissistic dragons.

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The bottom one. He’s pretty orange, but the contrast was clearly boosted to make him look even more orange than usual.

Also the top one. His lips never open that wide.

I get that this image has been manipulated to make him look worse, but not by much.

It’s insane he doesn’t see how bad he looks. In normal pictures he looks like a reverse orange raccoon, and he thinks that’s a good look.

Like, it’s so sad nobody in his circle can tell him how bad he always looks. They glaze him to the point he thinks he’s fucking Adonis.

Absolutely sad. And even more sad that the rest of us see how sad this is. I’d much rather see reality and be poor than look like a sad clown on the world stage.

I’d feel very bad for him and others like him (Elon, several celebrities) except I just can’t, and I couldn’t live with myself knowing how I look like an utter buffoon in front of everyone. But these fuckers have no empathy.

e: accidentally cut part of a sentence

The dog is eating the cat litter, getting sick, and making you pay thousands in vet bills.

But you’re WINNING!

‘Perfectly capable’.

Look, it works, okay? Survival of the fittest is a misnomer; it’s survival of the fit enough.

Have we tried just dropping our babies on city asphalt with a few sticks? Maybe we’re overdoing things.

Nobody sees him eating other muppets, so 100% ambush predator.

No one knows what happens when the lights go off on Sesame Street.

I assume it’s like My Friendly Neighbourhood, and Big Bird is the apex predator. Sometimes muppets just… vanish.

Hey man, all ducks are beautiful.

*disclaimer: I do NOT want to see your duck. Do not DM me your ….

Oh no, I think I bollocksed this comment, haven’t I.

Sounds like a skill issue.

Especially if it angers the US. FTFY.

Earliest I have is from 2017, 15 years after. It would be fun to see the original if it still exists.