Well, here it is: The post I promised not to write, about the movie I promised not to watch. I've been a fan of the Star Treks for a few years now, and while I haven't enjoyed some of the more recent output, I've been happy to just say "OK, this isn't for me" and move on with my life... albeit occasionally complaining about it. However, I was so surprised at just how bad Section 31 was that I had to write about it... a good ten months after watching it.

A little while ago, I watched Morbius (or rather the bits of it that were visible when there wasn't endless crap rendered between the camera and the focus of the scene). Along with Venom, those have been my only two forays into the magical world of the SLASWSBOMGWGRTSACU... until now. Yup, I did it: I watched Madame Web.

First, an admission: I don't really like Christmas movies. With a few exceptions, I don't like the schmaltz, the weirdly triumphant endings and... so forth. The only times these things can truly feel earned is if the main characters have been through some exciting, spectacular sci-fi adventure to get there.

Morbius. The Big M. Ol' Morbie... After the moderate popularity of the Venom movie, this was Sony's next attempt to expand their Sony Live-Action "Spiderverse without Spider-Man, but OMG we're gonna reference things Spider-adjacent" Cinematic Universe (or the SLASWSBOMGWGRTSACU for short).

It's October, which means it is peak Spooky Season. And what could be more spooky than a movie literally called Spookies? The answer: Almost anything!

I'd heard that this movie wasn't great, but I wanted to find out where it sits on a scale from permanently damaging your hands in a car crash to an entire multiverse of badness.

Do you want to know how hard Jeremy Irons can act when his paycheck will pay for the renovation of his newly-purchased Irish castle? Do you want to know what would happen if a studio movie had a little Crystal Maze interlude? Do you want to know how not to write a female character? Well, you clearly need to watch Dungeons and Dragons, an actual movie from 2000.

It's been over four years since I subjected my least violent friends to Neil Breen's Double Down - a movie about Neil Breen foiling a terrorist attack (which he starts), controlling world governments with threat of biological attack, and generally being a magical cancer-curing, jacket-of-medals-wearing badass. The movie had such an effect on us that I thought "We really must watch another movie by this guy together". Cade: The tortured crossing (to give it it's correct capitalisation) is 96 minutes of reasons why I'm glad I never followed through on that idea/threat.

The movie that finally answers one of the biggest questions: What would happen if the perfect police officer was created, but it went a bit wrong? The answer: ROTOR Doesn't make much sense, does it? Well, get ready, because I'm about to explain it. It won't help, but it should still be fun.